I have a dream that is get into Columbia University, a great university in the financial center of the world.
改为：I have a dream that i can get into Columbia University,which is a great university in the financial center of the world..
when I had first known that university it was loved by me. 改为：On hearing the university,i fell in love it immediately.
第三句,我没有明白你写的意思呀.
第四句：i will succeed if the bright wisdom can be embedded in my mind.
第五句：In order to achieve my goal,i have been studying very hard for a long time every day.
第六句：i can still remember what Mrs. Clinton said to me ,she said you can make your dream come ture if you put your heart into it,which i will believe forever.
第七句：this is my dream,it is a young dream, but it is very bright for me.of course,the darkness will eliminate one day.
望采纳.3Q