修改意见,仅供参考：
1、long long ago,一般指很久之前,用于此处意思不妥.建议改为：several years ago等.
2、i was walking to home from school. 应去掉to,步行回家应翻译为walk home,to是副词.
3、i was walking to home from school. suddenly i saw a woman in front of me.这两句话最好合并为一句,否则前一句就不能使用过去进行时.建议改为：i was walking home from school when i saw a woman in front of me.
4、she looked at very poor.应去掉at,look very poor看上去很穷.
5、she asked me ten yuan.me 后要加上for ask sb.for sth.向某人要某物
6、she told to me she was very hungry.to去掉,tell sb sth.不需to
7、她已经一天没吃饭了,应该译为： she hadn't had anything for a whole day.
8、贼偷光了她所有钱,应译为beacuse a thief had stolen all her all money
9、我看到那个女人跟另外一个男人要十块钱：i saw the women still asked another man for ten yuan.
10、最后一句应修改为：a thief had stolen all her all money,so i keow she was a liar.