1.开头段和结尾段的第一句都很简单 没有句式的变化
开头段的第一句不要简单的照抄原文,也不是换个动词就ok,可以改作以下：
A glance at the two pie charts provided reveals the proportion of the different manners(namely telephone,computer,paper documents,talk,meeting and others) people use in working days between 1980 and 2006 respectively.
最后一段：
To draw a conclusion,it is apparent to see the fact that the development of new technologies ……
2.中间段同样的问题,句型过于简单,至于拼写方面都是小事了,因为本来就150个字,数字还一堆,稍微注意下常用的单词就可以了.
随便举个例子,你的原文中有这段话：As far as the first chart in 1980 was concerned,the most popular way was paper documents at over one third (33%),followed by talk and others,they were both used by 15% of people……
再看下面我写的,同样是说第一,第二,这种形式句式是不是变的丰富了,不是千篇一律了
As far as the first chart in 1980 was concerned,one particularly interesting fact hightlighted by the figures was that paper documents utility ranked second to none in terms of working--day manners,at a proportion of 33 percent.Also evident was that both talking and other methods numbered second at 15 percent……
另外 作文中最好不要用%,应该用 单词 percent,
关于时态,第一段一律用一般现在时,后面的段落看图片给你的信息,如果标注的时间在什么时间段,就用什么时态
其他的不一一说明了 多看看范文,多练练,会好很多